someone... i'm really close to, asked me to compromise my principles tonight. and after much pushing i did. and i'm ashamed of myself for betraying a confidence. it was all so very stupid anyway and now i hate myself cause of it. nothing new. i hate myself all the time anymore. all i know is i'm so very sorry i did it. :-( i know i don't trust anyone anymore with my feelings. i'm really tired right now of everything. you can think things are going good and something is ALWAYS lurking in the background... always...

should have just logged off hours ago like i planned. the day was shitty like i said and just got worse as time went on. of course only having ten minutes left til midnight wouldn't have mattered.

i was thinking that it's time to end the blog. made it a whole month. but i don't care. this is my place to say how i feel. i know one thing... if i do keep it going, i will not answer another question about what i write in here again. it may be public but you can all just treat it as if it has a lock on it that can never be broken!

why should i give it up? i can't even say what i really want here. so maybe that's why i should. people will just think whatever they want anyway and read into it all. i feel another wall coming on. i really don't know why i bother going on. no one fucking cares anyway. i'm tired of crying. bye people. (by the way... i don't need this shit either... so YOU have a great life, k?)


"same old story, not much to say
hearts are broken every day...

Dreams last so long
Even after you're gone
I know, that you love me
And soon you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you"

~jewel - you were meant for me

i left my mark at... 4:11:58 AM