i feel a little better today. barely. i got some sleep. it helped i guess.

but it's time to make some changes in my life. i have been making alot of wrong choices. sometimes love or even the lack of it is not enough. i just dont want to be who i am anymore. i wanna be who i WAS. i'm confused and i need help with that. i'm not sure how to go about getting it. things have been so crazy. i started to change my life 3 years, 3 months, and 3 days ago. i thought i was headed in the right direction. maybe i never was. i don't even know anymore. i just don't want to hurt people i care about. i don't want to hurt myself either. i want to be happy. but what is happiness anyway?

maybe i need to go away for awhile. maybe i need to cut ties with everyone and start over. maybe i need alot of damn things i can't get in life. i feel so empty. i feel so hard and uncaring yet desperate to care. none of this is making any sense i'm sure. i'm done now.