errrrrr.... i'm in an ok mood now. got to talk to freddie and that always helps usually. i'm frustrated tho beyond belief about my life and things not moving in the right direction and these anxious feelings i am having. it's like i feel i am going in circles or something? i can't even explain it right when i don't understand it fully myself.

i'm like wide awake yet emotionally drained. i know i really need a better sleeping schedule. maybe resort to sleeping pills to force myself to sleep at a certain time and STAY asleep. but they always did leave me feeling groggy and lost so i don't want to take them. i take too much medication as it is, it seems. and hell that's probably most of my problem right there. yeah most of it. heh.

anyway... here i go. it's 4am. i will try at least.