earlier today it was pouring down rain. i remembered that i needed to soak the rosebush in water for 12-24 hours before planting. so i thought what better water than rain water? so i took a bucket outside to catch the rain water that was pouring/gushing from the gutter. i was only out there for 15-20 seconds and still i got totally drenched as if i was in a powerful shower. well at least i got my bucket full of water. when i took the rose out of the bag it had sprouted some leaves since last time i looked. i then went and wrote my letter to my lost baby angel and put it in the plastic box with some other things of importance like my pregnancy tests and some angel things and some poetry. i didn't write the poems. they were just some that i liked. i will plant it all tomorrow along with the baby's breath i got. it's going to be a tough day. i cried all thru writing that letter and afterwards. i feel lost sometimes. i just want to get thru tomorrow and what would have been my first mother's day this coming sunday. i'm still a mother. i just never got to hold my baby or hear him/her call me mama. :( it's supposed to storm and rain all day tomorrow. i don't care tho. i'm still planting it the first break that comes along.

i'm off to bed now. minus the sleeping pill this time.