i wish i knew what to say right now. lately i have been feeling down and very confused about things. my feelings are all over the place. i can't really explain it. don't really want to. sometimes i wonder if i will ever really be happy. i don't believe in dreams coming true. i don't believe in alot of things actually. i can't help it. i just 'feel' different and i don't really want to talk about it, yet ya know... i don't want to even stop talking about it. all i want to do is sleep and stop caring about anyone and everything. i wish the world would just go away. it's no offense to anyone, sometimes i wish i had no friends and no family. no one. i don't want anyone to care about me because i don't want to care about anyone. how else do you protect your heart? only solitude would help. i should become a hermit somewhere up in the mountains. i'm filled with fear and anxiety so much these days. just this nervous feeling. i want to cry all the time when i'm not wanting to sleep. i fake happiness and that everything is OK cause it's not. not at all. ok i'm done now. this is all i will say about it for the moment. and i think i will only talk about it on here so if you know me in reality don't ask please.