ugh. long night. but he appeared ya know? not long after my bitter post. which was freaky. so we talked for a few hours. cried for a few hours. it's not just us but me and i'm trying very hard. things in my life... it's not just what's wrong with him. he said he would call me before work this morning and i know he only got a few hours sleep but he did. and we just talked for a half hour. i can't even describe how comforting that is. how much i have needed it. to feel like it used to. lie in bed all sleepy and to hear him tell me he loves me and that everything will be alright. to just let things be what they are. i need to calm down. it's hard when you love someone and that someone is your best friend in all the world and he's 1400 miles away from you and you know in your heart that even tho you could love someone else, your soulmate is really out there. someone who no matter how much i tell him he can't possibly understand my mind, he really does get it in so many ways. it's not easy for him either. his situation is even harder than mine. i just feel so completely insane sometimes. if it weren't for him... i think i'd already be gone. i need to go back to bed. i only slept maybe 2 hours. my eyes hurt badly.