life seems so fucked up right now. i really can't take it. i want my meds back to normal. surely i can wait just 2 more weeks to go see him. i'm thinking i will double up on my effexor now cause surely he will up it for me anyway. least i hope. cause this is just crazy.

today all i wanted to do was go sit and cry and scream and wish my life away and everything seems to be hovering over me... like this overwhelming feeling of dread and hate and anger that i can't seem to control. if only...

maybe i just need some family time. i will be going home to PA on saturday for my nephew's birthday party. maybe i just need a lobotomy. maybe i just need a cremation oven.

maybe i just need to go cry and create.

maybe i need to breathe.