today is a really shitty day. i got caught in the middle of something that i guess i deserve to be caught in the middle of. it's just not a good time. but it would never be a good time. there's alot to be said about trust and betrayals... on all sides of the coin. there are no perfect people. i want to take my life one day at a time. but for some reason i have expectations that those days could be happy ones. i bring it all on myself. maybe it's time for me to just straighten up and do the right thing. whatever the right thing is. i don't know anything anymore. i feel numb. i feel dead. i tried to go to sleep after this morning's shit... and i finally did for about an hour til some old guy starts knocking on the door. i just wanted to sleep. when you sleep you don't have to think of things. do i need this? do i need any of this? when i'm trying so hard to get my mental health in order... i'm never gonna be happy if i don't do something for myself. make some major decisions. :( everything is so fucked up. it's always so fucked up. :(