i wish i was frickin' normal. seriously. :( but i'm not and i never will be.

it's after 6am here. i feel like i'm gonna have an anxiety attack any second. and i don't even know why. this disturbs me i swear, cause it happens more often than i admit. i feel so nervous and sick to my stomach right now. i can't sleep. i just lie there and i'm so hot too. it's not that hot in this house. so i don't know why i feel like this. :( i don't want to talk to anyone about it. it's enough that i can just write it here. it embarrasses me i guess. i feel like the biggest freak, being like this. where does it come from?

i wish i could disappear. please don't ask.