well it's definitely over. i knew it yesterday. about 5 hours after i wrote that last post, i started spotting and today it's much more. so i called and cancelled my dr. appt for tomorrow. didn't even test today. i got cramps too and sharp pains in my ovaries. i'm very upset yet i feel some sort of relief that 15 months of complete hell is over with. i can relax at least for the next 3-4 months before i decide for a couple months whether or not to change the insurance and go on for the IVF. i need a new outlook. i need some happiness and calming influence. i want to paint and craft and hike and take pictures and try to enjoy my summer and not worry about pills and shots and doctor's appointments. i looked at my pre-natal vitamin today saying "i don't need you anymore" and the baby aspirin and the steroid i'm on. so i might give up all of those and just take my insulin pills and my prozac. must keep the prozac.

well i'm gonna put in my contacts. haven't done that since christmas. put some make up on my sad lil face and smile and go get my hair cut and go do some shopping. and well i have these cramps. that will put a damper on things but i'll live. the emotional pain is far worse than the physical EVER was.

ciao.