well the conspiracy to drive me crazy continues... even if it is mostly self-imposed on my part. my husband just informed me that he didn't want to tell me this yesterday since it was christmas and all... but his brother's wife is pregnant AGAIN. and their baby girl is only 8 months old. so now she will be having a baby when my sister is. :( this was supposed to be MY baby's very first christmas. i should have a 7 month old myself right now. but as we all know... i don't. and likely NEVER will. because MY baby got flushed down a toilet. and i had to put up with my sister being insensitive in her excitement yesterday when we talked on the phone. all of this "now that i'm pregnant" and "because i'm pregnant" talk. she could have left that stuff out. :(

i'm sorry if this post is upsetting. no wait. i'm not sorry. this is about ME not anyone else. so i really don't give a shit. i keep wondering when and if i will ever be able to deal with this.