2nd day of the year. nothing seems any different. sure don't seem any better. sometimes things seem so futile to me and i wonder if it will ever again be carefree to me. life that is. carefree. doubt it.

yesterday was jasmine's 5th birthday. i can't believe she's 5. i miss her. i called her but she wasn't home. so i left a message on the answering machine. today is her daddy's birthday. 39 i think. she was the 1st new year's baby for their county when she was born. got her picture in the paper and all on the front page with her mom and dad. such a round lil head. perfect features. brian and i drove home to PA the night she was born. we got there about a half hour after she arrived. somewhere after 3 in the morning. when i saw her i just cried and cried. so pretty. so perfect. so much the lil girl i always dreamed of having. it's no wonder i'm so close to her. i brought her a birthday barbie that day to welcome her into the world. always my angel she'll be. i miss you jazzy girl. i'd give anything for a hug from you right now.