well i'm back again to talk a lil. i held off crying until now. i just got an email from someone... he wished me a happy mother's day because i have three beautiful girls. i miss him so much. and i can't say anything else about it. cause i almost feel like i shouldn't be... in any case... it dawned on me. a year ago today i planted my baby's rose bush. cause that was my original due date. so now i should have a one year old running around driving me crazy. i probably wouldn't have maggie if i did. i just wouldn't have agreed to getting her cause i'm sure my hands would be full. it's also why she's so incredibly special to me. she helped my heart to heal as well as it has so far. weird tho... cause earlier today brian and i were walking thru the yard and i looked at my baby's rose. it was frozen so many times over winter. it looks horrible. but it has new shoots on it. i just need to do some major pruning (again) to get rid of all that stuff that kept being refrozen when we would have warm weather and then frigid again. it will break my heart if that rose bush dies. it really will.