when i got up today i had all these things i planned on blogging about. so i wrote them down so i wouldn't forget. something changed somewhere along the way of this day and now i no longer feel like writing about the mundane things in my life. it's been 5 years. 5 years ago today since i thought my life was going to change into something magical for the better. i never dreamed it was gonna turn into the nightmare it has become. not knowing someone's motives for doing the things they have done. how i let it get this far until i'm broken forever inside. even if time does heal all wounds... maybe on the outside... that is true. but when you think you have found the one person in life you can connect with. the one person you actually felt you loved... and then it's all taken away from you by his hand and even he can't or won't explain why, what else is left to do? nothing i guess... at least not for me. (please... no comments are necessary... i just needed to talk a minute)

i just typed out this whole explanation... story of it. and then i decided not to write it in here. i don't need to display it for the world. i will keep my pain deep inside like always. like i told him on the phone today... it was a hard lesson to learn. too bad i let it become a 5 year lesson.