i thought it would happen this weekend...

i already knew my baby had died but i had to see or wait for the 'evidence'... all weekend i waited for the pain and the bleeding and nothing... stupid of me to hang onto some hope that something had changed. denial.

few hours ago the pain and the bleeding started. and now i will do this alone... he's been off work for 4 days and goes back tonight. better this way. i want to be alone anyway i guess.

i think i cried yesterday maybe twice. i am tired of crying... it's all i had been doing since wednesday. but i just took a shower and started to sob and sob. i don't understand why this had to happen to me. am i that bad of a person? did i not deserve to be pregnant after all i have gone through to get there?

i don't know anything anymore. :*(